kite on a string.

things have been a little rocky over here lately.
& i've definitely been keeping everything on the low-low.
so it's about time i update those of you who read this
on what's been going on.


first off, i've left FIDM.
this in itself is a lesson i learn time & time again.
no matter what plan i have for myself, or path i have set for myself,
God's plan is always ALWAYS so much bigger.
& even if at first i don't know why He's leading me the way he is,
i know eventually he'll allow me to see the big picture & i'll understand.
until then, i walk with child-like faith & trust that God allows everything to work
for my benefit.


moving on, since December 16, 2008 (the day i began walking with the Lord)
i've struggled with so many things.
-partying
-swearing
-lust
mostly the normal things we struggle with.
Satan knows what my weaknesses are & LET ME TELL YOU he doesn't hold back one bit.
i feel like i'm finally maturing enough to turn away from these things completely.
it's taken so long for me to feel secure in my walk & to just let God take control.
recently, while at church, my Pastor read this verse & it really tugged at my heart.


Who is a God like you, pardoning iniquity & passing over 
the transgression of the remnant of His heritage? 
He does not retain His anger forever, because he delights in mercy. 
He will again have compassion on us, and will subdue our iniquities. 
You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea. 
Micah 7:18-19


i'm amazed at the mercy of God, & that no matter what i do, or how bad i screw up,
or how many times i scream racist obscenities at people while driving...


...He still loves me.
He will CAST ALL MY SINS into the depths of the sea.
it's mind-blowing. 


so since reading this, it's made me want to love like Christ loves me.
i've been trying to let go of grudges & pray for people who have hurt me.
it's the hardest freakin thing i've ever done, but so necessary.


lastly, i've come to realize that Satan's #1 way of making me hate my life,
is making me feel alone. like i have no one in the world but myself & Charles.
(not to say i don't absolutely love my Charles)
i've never had problems making friends.
where i do have problems is finding a group of friends who all love the Lord.
& who will influence me to do the right thing, as well as discourage me from
doing things i shouldn't.
whenever i feel like i'm getting close to finding that group, it's gone.


again i must trust that God will bring people into my life that will
draw me even closer to Him. that's all i really want, anyway.